Nimue's World

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    Celebrations Are Called For

    Earlier this year, I spent a week working almost non-stop. I messed up my sleep cycles and generally put too much pressure on myself. Well, it turns out that it was all worthwhile in the end. I've been nominated at the Feminist Porn Awards, for my film The Agency, and I’m so ridiculously excited by this, for so many reasons.

    Firstly, this is the first film I’ve ever submitted to a festival, and I really had absolutely no idea what the judges were looking for! When you know what does well at a festival, it’s easy to tailor your film to that. Without that knowledge, I simply had to edit the film in the way I felt was best, and hoped that the judges would like it as well.

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    Bigger is Good

    This is another one of those posts where I start by saying “when I started producing porn, I wasn’t doing it to make a statement”. I started producing porn because it seemed like an enjoyable way for me to make a living. But I am still realising that the content I make is radical on many levels. The world is not going to change based on my work alone, but I still think that what I’m doing will help out in making a change.

    I’ve always set out to show the world what goes on in my head - sharing my fantasies and allowing others to see that they are not alone. But these days, it seems that even showing my body is radical.

    I’m fat. I used to be skinny, but now I’m not. But it seems that along my way between the two points, a large group of people have also decided that I’ve also gone from being beautiful, to being ugly, and in doing so am no longer deserving of love, care, or respect.

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    Is Porn Empowering?

    "Can porn be empowering for women?"

    That’s the question being asked a lot this week, prompted by the Women’s Hour debate which took place on Sunday, asking this question. I was not able to attend the debate unlike people who have blogged about it already, but I wanted to add my thoughts on the matter.

    Very simply, I believe that yes, porn can be empowering for women. I’m not going to argue that all porn is empowering for all women, because I don’t believe that is the case at all, there is a lot of porn which is problematic for both female performers and viewers. But I believe that I, and a lot of other women can gain a lot from watching porn, feminist porn in particular.

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    Have You Seen it Yet?

    I’ve been trying to avoid this topic, on the whole. Yes, it’s That Film, based on That Book. 50 Shades of Grey.

    And there is one main reason that I’ve not talked about my opinion on the film. And that is that I really don’t have much of an opinion. But it seems that to some people, that’s not an acceptable answer, so I’m writing this as my answer to them.

    No, I’ve not seen the film. No, I don’t plan on seeing the film. I’ve read the books (well, the first book and half of the second), and I didn’t enjoy them. Based on that, and the fact that I don’t enjoy romance films, I have no interest in seeing the film. I am not actively boycotting the film because of it’s themes, but equally the fact that it has spanking and kink in it doesn’t mean that as a kinkster I have to go and see the film.

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    My Body Is Powerful

    Despite my love of humiliation play based around my size, I do get insecure about the way I look from time to time. My body is bigger than I’d like, and it doesn’t always allow me to do the things I want, or to do those things for as long as I’d like. There’s times I look at my body and just see soft, squishy fat.

    But other people don’t see me that way. And that has come as something as a shock!

    On both of the sites that I cam on, I’m listed as a BBW (and have occasional comments that I’m “too skinny” to be in that category), but on one site in particular, I’m beginning to pick up a following of people with a fetish that I’d never considered myself as filling before. I have an increasing audience of muscle fetishists.

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    KOTW - Blood Play

    I love blood play. And it’s difficult to explain why without turning into a puddle!

    I remember the first bit of porn that got me interested in needle play and blood play, and that was an old Insex.com movie called The Proposal - Part 2. I can still remember the scene now. As viewers, we didn’t see the needles going on, the clip started with Claire Adams (known on Insex as AZ) in place, needles piercing her all over, each needle pulled out and attached to a fibreglass rod. It was extreme predicament bondage and I was entranced.

    But it wasn’t the predicament that really got me hooked, it was the “after” images. AZ covered in blood, as it ran down from each needle site. It was then I realised that might have a bit of a “thing” for blood.

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    Cane In The Cupboard

    This is my third attempt to sit down and write this blog post, hopefully I'll manage to finish it and get it posted this time!  

    The Cane In The Cupboard was definitely one of my favourite movies to shoot, both because the scenario was pretty hot, and because we had such a fun time behind the scenes!  It's also based on a true story, which in my opinion makes it even hotter.  Molly plays a probation officer who is trying to get control over a wayward young lady.  She makes a threat that she believes will be enough to scare me into compliance, but isn't expecting me to call her bluff.

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    Help Us Fight

    It's now been two months since legislation came in which makes most of what I do illegal, and there's currently no sign that it is going to change in the near future.  The other thing that's not changed is my decision to fight.  To not allow the government to censor the work I do, the work I believe to be incredibly important.  I will continue to produce the same kinky content as I always have.

    But fighting isn't going to be easy, and could potentially end with myself, and other UK fetish producers ending up in court.  If that happens, we will need on the support of Backlash, who are fighting against the new legislation, as well as doing amazing work defending freedom of sexual expression.  However, Backlash require donations to be able to maintain a legal fund to help those in need.

    With that in mind, Pandora came up with an idea, which both raises money for Backlash, and says a big "fuck you" to the legislation at the same time.  We decided to both put our bottoms up on the line, and do what we do best - make a film where we each recieve a hard cane stroke for each £10 raised, as well as offering other perks to those who donate.

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    KOTW - Crying

    When I started doing BDSM, it was very rare that I played a scene that didn't leave me crying, it was just how every scene was expected to go.  Now, I cry more rarely, and when I do, it's because I've chosen to.

    When I was younger, engaging in BDSM, I was bottling up a lot of emotions, and crying in a scene was a safe way to let it all out.  It wasn't always tears of pain or fear though.  I remember my first ever suspension, it was amazing, and I was blissed out the entire time.  But as the ropes started to come off, as I started to come back to reality, that was when the tears started.  They were tears of joy - of having achieved something that I'd dreamed of doing for a long time, and tears of sorrow - of having the ropes I was wrapped in removed, knowing that this experience was over.

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    The Experiment

    I know I've never really blogged about sex toys here, not in detail anyway, but I do read a lot of sex toy review sites, and over the past year especially, I've learnt a lot about the sort of sex toys that are good, and the kind of sex toys which are bad. 

    When I started out buying sex toys, I have to admit, I bought a lot of the cheap, jelly type dildos.  You know, the type that has an overpowering smell when you open the packaging, and leaves greasy stains on any paper of fabric you leave it on for too long?  And I (as many others) thought that was normal.  Until I had an experience with a dildo that left me thinking that something was definitely not right.

    The dildo in question was a big, black, double ended dildo.  Very soft and flexible.  And I was enjoying myself with it quite a bit, until I realised something didn't feel quite right.  Very quickly "not quite right" turned into "OMG, it burns, it burns", and me sitting in the shower, with the shower head aimed at my cunt, trying to wash off whatever was irritating me, and cool down the area at the same time. That was the point where I decided that maybe I needed to pay more attention to what I put in my cunt, but I didn't really know a lot about what toys would be better.

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