Nimue's World

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    KOTW - Anonymous Sex

    My 26th birthday is a night that I doubt I’ll ever forget. It was a seriously intense night from start to finish, even before we’d left the house on our way to the swingers club we visited often. But the real fun started once we arrived.

    We’d been there several times before, knew the people who owned the club, the girls who worked behind the bar, and several of the regulars. But there weren’t usually so many single guys around. But it was to be expected - it was a greedy girls night, and we’d made it known ahead of time that I was going to be there, being greedy.

    The club were very good. They made sure I had bottles of water to keep hydrated, offered me “spotters” to make sure that no one tried to do anything I didn’t want (I didn’t take them up on their offer, my domme and her friend were there to “spot” me). They told me to pick a room and get comfortable, said that word would soon get around as to where I was and people would come and find me.

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    KOTW - Crying

    When I started doing BDSM, it was very rare that I played a scene that didn't leave me crying, it was just how every scene was expected to go.  Now, I cry more rarely, and when I do, it's because I've chosen to.

    When I was younger, engaging in BDSM, I was bottling up a lot of emotions, and crying in a scene was a safe way to let it all out.  It wasn't always tears of pain or fear though.  I remember my first ever suspension, it was amazing, and I was blissed out the entire time.  But as the ropes started to come off, as I started to come back to reality, that was when the tears started.  They were tears of joy - of having achieved something that I'd dreamed of doing for a long time, and tears of sorrow - of having the ropes I was wrapped in removed, knowing that this experience was over.

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    I've fallen into the trap before - looking at a picture on fetlife, showing a welted and bloody bottom after a hard caning and thinking "wow, that's impressive, I wish I could do that".  It's an easy trap to fall into, but why?

    Why is that severe caning better, more impressive, something to strive for?

    I've done a few scenes that could be described as severe, or extreme - a judicial caning, or breast suspension come into that category - and I know that is it not the sort of scene I want to do on a regular basis.  They are definitely scenes I enjoy, but I have no desire to do them on a regular basis.  Doing a caning that leaves me bleeding a little once a year is plenty for me, and I honestly don't imagine I'll do another breast suspension scene again ever.    And I know when I've done those sort of scenes, and when I do them again in the future, they will push me to the limits of my tolerance, and beyond.  That I will always walk away from those scenes knowing I've challenged myself, learned a little about myself, that I've not taken the easy way out, or had an easy time of it.

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